The Control Checklist

Abuse involves the misuse of power. The following are different ways a person may use their power to try to intimidate or control you.

ISOLATION AND RESTRICTION

checkbox Tells you that you can not do something
checkbox Jealous about who you see
checkbox Monitors your time, makes you account for where you were
checkbox Does not allow you to leave the house
checkbox Makes it difficult for you to get a job
checkbox Restricts your use of the car
checkbox Tries to prevent you from contacting your family
checkbox Alienates you from family and friends
checkbox Turns children against you
checkbox Keeps you from getting medical care
checkbox Withholds affection to punish you
checkbox Tries to turn people against you

PRIVILEGE

checkbox Demands obedience like you were a servant
checkbox Makes decisions without your input
checkbox Treats you like you were inferior
checkbox Tells you you can’t cope
checkbox Treats you like a child

ECONOMIC ABUSE

checkbox Makes you account for all the money spent
checkbox Keeps you short of money
checkboxMakes you ask for basic necessities
checkbox Undermines your attempts to improve your education
checkbox Undermines your attempts to get or keep a job
checkbox Controls the money
checkbox Makes you ask for money
checkbox Refuses to give you money
checkbox Makes major decisions about money without consulting you
checkbox Spends money only on things he/she wants

SEXUAL ABUSE

checkbox Withholds sex to punish you
checkbox Pressures you to have sex
checkbox Forces you to have sex against your will
checkbox Pressures or forces you into unwanted sex acts
checkbox Treats you like a sex object
checkbox Inflicts pain on you during sex

PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE

Threatens to:
checkbox Turn people against you
checkbox Leave the relationship
checkbox See someone else
checkbox Take children away from you
checkboxLeave you short of money
checkbox Come after you if you leave
checkbox Have you committed to an institution
checkbox Hurt or kill you and/or the children
checkbox Hurt or kill himself/herself
checkbox Blames you for his/her problems
checkbox Drives your car in a frightening way
checkbox Have someone else kill you, your family, friends, etc.

INTIMIDATION

By:
checkbox Sudden mood changes
checkbox Giving silent treatment
checkbox Demonstrating anger
checkbox Shouting or yelling
checkbox Pounding fist on table
checkbox Hitting the wall
checkbox Throwing or kicking something
checkbox Stomping out of room/house

PHYSICAL ABUSE

checkbox Throws something at you
checkboxPushes, grabs or shoves you
checkboxPulls your hair
checkbox Twists your arm
checkbox Pins you to wall floor, bed
checkbox Chokes you
checkbox Kicks, hits or punches you
checkbox Hits, or tries to hit you with something
checkboxThreatens you with a knife, gun or other weapon
checkbox Tries to run you down with car
checkbox Physically and/or sexually abuses children
checkboxHarms or kills pets
checkbox Deliberately deprives you of sleep

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

checkbox Says things to spite or insult you in front of others
checkboxPuts down your physical appearance
checkbox Makes out you are stupid
checkbox Criticizes your care of children/home
checkbox Calls you names and swears at you
checkboxTells you you are crazy/irrational
checkbox Accuses you of having an affair
checkboxRidicules family or friends
checkboxDoes not show concern for children’s needs or concerns
checkbox Gets angry when children cry or make demands
checkbox Goes through personal things ie. purse, drawers, pockets
checkbox Frightens children’s friends so they stop coming over

This is abuse.
ABUSE IS A CRIME.
IT IS YOUR RIGHT TO LIVE FREE FROM FEAR AND ABUSE.

Call us. A staff person will listen to you about your situation, and will help you identify your choices so you can decide what “next steps” are best for you.