THE CONTROL CHECKLIST
Abuse involves the misuse of power. The following are different ways a person may use their power to try to intimidate or control you.
ISOLATION AND RESTRICTION
- Tells you that you can not do something
- Jealous about who you see
- Monitors your time, makes you account for where you were
- Does not allow you to leave the house
- Makes it difficult for you to get a job
- Restricts your use of the car
- Tries to prevent you from contacting your family
- Alienates you from family and friends
- Turns children against you
- Keeps you from getting medical care
- Withholds affection to punish you
- Tries to turn people against you
PRIVILEGE
- Demands obedience like you were a servant
- Makes decisions without your input
- Treats you like you were inferior
- Tells you you can’t cope
- Treats you like a child
ECONOMIC ABUSE
- Makes you account for all the money spent
- Keeps you short of money
- Makes you ask for basic necessities
- Undermines your attempts to improve your education
- Undermines your attempts to get or keep a job
- Controls the money
- Makes you ask for money
- Refuses to give you money
- Makes major decisions about money without consulting you
- Spends money only on things he/she wants
SEXUAL ABUSE
- Withholds sex to punish you
- Pressures you to have sex
- Forces you to have sex against your will
- Pressures or forces you into unwanted sex acts
- Treats you like a sex object
- Inflicts pain on you during sex
PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE
- Threatens to:
- Turn people against you
- Leave the relationship
- See someone else
- Take children away from you
- Leave you short of money
- Come after you if you leave
- Have you committed to an institution
- Hurt or kill you and/or the children
- Hurt or kill himself/herself
- Blames you for his/her problems
- Drives your car in a frightening way
- Have someone else kill you, your family, friends, etc.
INTIMIDATION
- By:
- Sudden mood changes
- Giving silent treatment
- Demonstrating anger
- Shouting or yelling
- Pounding fist on table
- Hitting the wall
- Throwing or kicking something
- Stomping out of room/house
PHYSICAL ABUSE
- Throws something at you
- Pushes, grabs or shoves you
- Pulls your hair
- Twists your arm
- Pins you to wall floor, bed
- Chokes you
- Kicks, hits or punches you
- Hits, or tries to hit you with something
- Threatens you with a knife, gun or other weapon
- Tries to run you down with car
- Physically and/or sexually abuses children
- Harms or kills pets
- Deliberately deprives you of sleep
EMOTIONAL ABUSE
- Says things to spite or insult you in front of others
- Puts down your physical appearance
- Makes out you are stupid
- Tells you you are crazy/irrational
- Criticizes your care of children/home
- Calls you names and swears at you
- Accuses you of having an affair
- Ridicules family or friends
- Does not show concern for children’s needs or concerns
- Gets angry when children cry or make demands
- Goes through personal things ie. purse, drawers, pockets
- Frightens children’s friends so they stop coming over
This is abuse.
ABUSE IS A CRIME.
IT IS YOUR RIGHT TO LIVE FREE FROM FEAR AND ABUSE.
Call us. A staff person will listen to you about your situation, and will help you identify your choices so you can decide what “next steps” are best for you.
